until Texas vs Kansas

Friday, September 30


Judicial decrees we'd like to see

A Grayson County Texas judge yesterday issued a ruling forbidding a 17 year old high school girl from having sex as a condition of her probation as long as she lives in her parents’ house and continues to attend school. Outrageous, I say. But if judges can bar this totally unenforceable act, then why not wish for more? We came up with a list of the Top 10 things we wish a judge would impose on college football this year.

1. Forbid any journalist from comparing USC tailback Reggie Bush to a video game player. Enough already. He’s good. We get it.

2. Forbid any Texas Tech player or coach, including Mike Leach, from ever talking to the media again. (Currently, Leach allows only one offensive and one defensive player each week to make statements.) I say why listen to even two of them.

3. Forbid Greg Davis from calling Jamaal Charles’ number less than twenty times a game for the remainder of the season. No freshman worries here.

4. Forbid the Texas break away screen (i.e. horizontal prayer) from ever being called against Oklahoma. We recruit fast players for a reason. Throw it down the field.

5. Forbid the BCS system from deciding the national championship with anything other than an eight team year-end playoff. It would be bigger than March Madness in the same number of weekends.

6. Forbid all male college football cheerleaders from ever taking the field. We don’t want you. We don’t need ya.

7. Forbid Brent Musburger from ever referencing how the Aggies never quit. Sometimes the Aggies aren’t even playing, Brent.

8. Forbid the Big East from sending a representative to the BCS. If Pitt makes another Fiesta Bowl, someone help us.

9. Forbid ABC from choosing which games different parts of the country receive during 11 AM and 2:30 PM broadcasts. Iowa St vs. Nebraska is interesting only if you grow corn.

10. And lastly, forbid the Oklahoma Sooners from ever winning another Red River Shootout or Rivalry or whatever. And no more of that horrendous song either.

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Boomer Sooner, Baby!!!
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